Pain and Suffering: A Jewish Perspective

by David Arfa

Ian asked me to jot down a few notes about pain and suffering. Here are a few ruminations about the subject, gleaned from whatever Jewish strategies and outlooks I have picked up along the way. It is not a complete picture of the subject; it is a selection of thoughts that are meaningful to me.

The Need for Trust

In trying to cope with your pain, you will resort to that time-honored toolbox of coping techniques. These might include: denial, doctors, distraction. One tool you might want to try is called trust.

Trust is the tool of choice in times of adversity. What is trust? It is the sense of security that G-d can save a person from his troubles. Why would you feel that way? You would recall G-d's ways of goodness, in one's national and personal history.

The splitting of the sea is a model of trust. The Jews were surrounded: the Egyptians were pursuing them in the rear, and the sea was in front of them. There were no boats that could fit the millions of people assembled there. The Jews cried out to G-d and somehow He found a way to help them. He split the sea! For this reason, this episode, among the many others at the Exodus, is a basis of our faith and form a large part of our yearly observances: i.e. The Passover seder and other holidays.

How often a period of misfortune gives way to a period of relief, in which the person tastes the sweetness of his good health and material well-being. One young woman in my neighborhood was stricken with leukemia as a little girl. She got over it and has a beautiful, growing family. I know of other cases in my own life, as well, where individuals got out of seemingly insurmountable pickles - finding mates, having children, or recovering from illness. G-d has provided me with relief many times during my life, so many times, that I have a yen to list them on paper, for posterity, and for encouragement during life's vicissitudes.

For many illnesses the cure is at hand, even though you cannot imagine it. Indeed, trusting in G-d can give one the presence of mind needed to think clearly and find the right cure.

This, Too

But what if G-d should decree that the person not be delivered? At that juncture, we say, this, too, is for the good.G-d has decided it is better for me to remain as I am. Still, G-d can lighten one's situation in other ways, while abiding by His decision to withhold the actual deliverance.

To illustrate the idea of this too is for the good, the Talmud (Nidah 31a) relates a story about two people who planned a boat journey. One of the people broke his foot and was unable to make the trip, while his friend was able to board the boat. The person who missed the boat cursed his misfortune. A few days later, however, he heard that the boat had sunk. He thanked G-d for letting him miss that boat.

Trust is a foundation of our religion in that it is impossible to learn Torah and progress in prayer and good deeds without it. You cannot approach G-d if you are beset by worries and resentment. Trust in Him enables your spiritual progress.

Why Suffer?

Our Talmud says that all suffering is by decree. One does not even bang his finger unless it was decreed so in Heaven (Chulin 7b)

A Jew says that a situation in bitter, not bad, Bad things are bad, but bitter things can be helpful - such a s bitter medicine, for example. (Rabbi Moshe of Kobrin.)

Rabbi M. Weiss once spoke about the many benefits of sickness. Here are some I remember: Sickness brings you closer to friends and family; it gives you time to reflect and learn Torah; it prompts you to reorient your priorities.

Indeed, Rabbi Hirsch writes: Suffering is a great teacher. Suffering teaches you the limitations of your power; it reminds you of the frailty of your health, the instability of your possessions and the inadequacy of your means... Suffering visits you and teaches you the nothingness of your false greatness. It teaches you modesty.(Horeb, Vol. I p.36)

One rabbi told me that light can only be appreciated in contrast to darkness. Without suffering we would not be able to appreciate and enjoy good things.

Suffering enables us to enjoy the pleasurable things in life later on, when we are freed from our troubles. (Chochma Umussar.)

The honored book, Duties of the Heart by Rabbi Bachye, gives the following parable, which I call the Rehab Center parable.

There was once a group of blind men who were brought into a rehab center. The center was outfitted with many beautiful furnishings. It also contained stocks of effective medicines, along with a wonderful doctor to administer the cures. But the blind men did nott take the cure, and did not listen to the doctor. As a result, they wandered aimlessly around the house, bumping into things, falling down and getting hurt, thus doubling their troubles. At first they were blind. But now they were blind, and wounded. And so the blind men cursed the master of the house, thinking him at best mad, and at worst, cruel.

The explanation of the parable might be as follows: G-d has created for us a wonderful world. Through our folly, however, we often develop a blindness - a spiritual handicap that needs correction. This handicap in itself impairs our ability to use and enjoy even this world. And so G-d devises a cure for us. If we resent the cure - if we do not recognize the need to be humbled and get closer to G-d that is the implicit message of our suffering - we do not take the cure, and we do not enjoy life to the fullest. But if we are amenable to the cure, if we have a good attitude about our problems, then we can benefit from the wonderful things in this world while becoming enabled to enjoy even more things - like a blind man becoming sighted.

Finally, suffering can be a test. Will one remain a devoted Jew, a loving spouse/parent/sibling/friend, a devoted worker, a cheerful neighbor, while suffering privately?

Coping with Suffering

The Jewish response to sickness is always to work on a cure, to find the best doctors, to pray, and to reflect on what spiritual shortfalls the illness might allude to. This is harder to figure out nowadays, I have heard, due to the long list of our shortfalls! Still, G-d often uses an illness or other strike to remind a person to correct his ways. If he can not discern a reason for his malady, he can pin it on not learning enough Torah.

One can minimize suffering by considering the following piece of wisdom by Rabbi Dessler: A great percentage of our suffering is based upon illusion (Vol. 3 p. 246.) The problem often lies in the mind - a mind which can dwell upon and overblow one's suffering, thereby expanding its boundaries from minutes to hours. Rabbi Pliskin suggests that one ask oneself objectively: How would I view this situation if it were someone else who was suffering from this problem?

Rabbi Levovitz says that one's attitude towards suffering is a sign of ones internalized faith in the reality of the Next World (Olam Haba.) One who is more dismissive and relaxed about his problem shows that he appreciates the temporary nature of this world, with all its seemingly endless problems. The Chazon Ish often said: there is an end-point to problems. All problems come to an end, both in one's lifetime, and certainly by the end of one's lifetime. Time passes by so quickly - the knowledge of which deepens as one grows older - that one feels foolish to dwell on his suffering and erode the quality of one's life. How many opportunities to do good deeds, to make someone feel good, to initiate a special project, or even to make some money, are passed by because one is not in the mood?

We Jews can rise to great heights and build great lives, against adversity. The knowledge that G-d can and does provide relief , and that the situation may be bitter, but is never bad, can aid a person to keep going until he gets to the light that is just around the corner.